PK DekhKe KhisKe

Ok frds, the Peshawar incident had pushed me too far into a dark, sad corner to look at the other s*** going on around us, so I decided to create some of my own with my new DP. But now I have a new set of ppl to ridicule, and can stop making fun of myself. Thank God, that IS tiring, pretending to laugh with ppl when u know they r laughing at u, especially after u instigated it. Its like celebrating a self goal.

 

These saviors of mine are the concerned Hindus who are sooo disturbed by the latest movie on the block - PK. Love u guys, u take the limelight away from my Mungeri Lal, and you prove the theory 'When shit hits the fan, its distributed evenly, more or less'. Idiots are not restricted to any one region, religion or community. As a proud Hindu I was made to feel the absence of fanatical zealots to carry the Hindu flag. Well, we have them. Not in as much abundance as some of my more fortunate neighbours, but enough to be noticed.

 

PK makes fun of the Hindu religion, criticises its superstitions and customs, derides all Godmen. Now, what is new about that? Haven't we all called some of our parents' beliefs silly? I have, and a couple of decades later found myself imposing those very beliefs on my kids. Superstitions, by their very definition, are silly, customs not so much. Some customs have clearly understood logic, some have their logic hidden behind the veils of time, and some have lost their relevance with changing times. They, however, are a comforting link with our past. They are loke the frahrance of the daal maa cooked every day for dinner. The fragrance you hated at the time - "roz roz wahi daal" - and miss today - "maa, woh tere haath wali daal ab mahin milti." Perspectives change.

 

Coming to Hindu Godmen being derided, its for two reasons. One, not very many Godmen exist in other religions, not in India at least. Two, Hindus can take it. They didn't let the swords of the Mughals or the entreaties of the missionaries sway their faith, a couple of jokes in a dark movie hall are certainly not going to do the trick.

 

You have to remember what makes the Hindu religion one of the greatest without having taken recourse to crusades or Jihad, or having any Hindu imperialist. It is its resilience. It has its own inbuilt strengths that have allowed it to flourish long after so many other belief sets have vanished, or been pushed to the fringes of society. A hard-coded set of beliefs, if not modified with time, becomes irrelevant, like MS Windows. Hinduism, being open source like Linux and Android (they r the same, actually), shall withstand the test of time. But that is if u guys don't make it hard coded. And believe me, you can't.

 

So, isn't there anything wrong with our customs and beliefs? All sadhus and Godmen are real saints? Every case of an inter religion marriage a case of Love Jihad? There are so many Hindu organisations trying to cleanse our own system, why can't Amir Khan be used to say the same. So what if his religion is not perfect in your eyes? Just because I am bald with a funny moustache, don't expect me to refrain from commenting on your beetle stained crooked teeth and flatulence. You can then point at my shortcomings. If I am an idiot, I will wage war against you, if I am insecure about myself, I will slink away. But the grt guy that I am, I'll just laugh and say,"yeah, so?".

 

C'mon guys, these movie ppl are in the business of making money by entertaining you all. They show all politicians and policemen as stupid, all Punjabis as loud and stupid, all faujis as rigid, loud and stupid. You don't hear of politicians calling it a 'opposition ki chal', or the faujis calling it a move by bureaucracy to degrade them. TV shows all saas and bahus as conniving, yet all of them watch these shows religiously.

 

You can only ridicule those who are above all this. Even kids don't run over a rickety old bridge, they tread over it softly and slowly. Its only on the strong bridge that they jump and run. The moment it starts creaking, they declare it weak and move away.

 

So, you want to be the creaking bridge that nobody abuses, or be like me and say,"yeah, so?"

Darkness at Peshawar

Is it possible to have a black out on Facebook? Not technically enforced, but self imposed by all of us. Something in sync with the times we live in, with the blackness engulfing us. For the depths we have sunk to can have only darkness, inky, dark, black darkness.

 

Sometime back, while writing here about my feelings for my daughter (Post: Kyra), I had mentioned how nature has designed all humans to care for their progeny. This is actually true for all living beings. Nature has this design feature inbuilt in most species so that these species continue to flourish. Its only in the lowest of creatures that this instinct is lacking, and in those cases the young come into the world fully equipped to take on any threats.

 

In fact, so strong is this instinct that the feeling of love for the young and helpless is not just restricted within species. There have been widely reported stories of sows feeding puppies, bitches caring for kittens. Humans reach out for the young of so many animals. A stray dog may get kicked out of most localities, but a puppy will usually find someone to care for it.

 

Today, we as a species have risen beyond these design features enforced upon us by nature/bhagwan/Allah/God/rabb/the blue aliens, whatever it was designing us. Actually, let me rephrase that. Its not we, but some people. I refuse to club myself with such depraved creatures that have allowed the last vestiges of decency be plucked from whatever dark thing beats with in their chests. I just cannot imagine how such a large group could be programmed to be immune to the charms of those dimpled smiles, the horrors of those small bodies pumping blood on these monsters' feet. How could they ignore the pain that will plague the mothers till eternity?

Such mass behavior modification cannot just be the result of a religious ideology. Ideology, by definition, has to be restricted to thinking, even if irrational, human minds. It has to at least be branded onto hearts. There were no hearts or minds behind the hands that fired those bullets. Those were monsters on auto pilot.

 

Do they really expect houris waiting for them in jannat after this? Even the basest she-demons can not pardon this violation of young lives. Mr Zaidi may like to blame India, the Taliban may blame Pak army and the Pak army may blame the US drone attacks. No blame can be ascribed to the young child who was pulled out of a warm quilt by a loving mother and sent to school to improve his future. None can be ascribed to the young girl who reached school in a new frock and a bagful of toffees to celebrate her birthday.

 

Nothing can atone for the sins that have been committed on this day. There can be no mitigating circumstances, no justifications. There is no way these young victims can be called 'Collateral Damage'. This was not an attack, but a symptom of the depravity that is plaguing humanity today. It is the ugly tumor that indicates how rapidly the cancer is spreading.

Even if it serves as a wakeup call to the policy makers and the would be freedom fighters, it is too steep a price that has been paid. Nothing we do can ever take away from the enormity of this crime. And I fervently hope and pray that nothing is ever done to eclipse the magnitude of this crime.

 

Now, can we please try and have that black out I mentioned.

Uber's India Plans Raped

तुम ना wake up ho jao।

I don't care if police verifications take too long in India. I don't care if a central police database is not available. I don't care if police clearance certificates have been found to be forged. I don't care if mandatory police checks would seriously restrict your choice of partners/drivers.

I want to be treated at par with all your customers, anywhere in the world. If you follow a 3 step verification going back 7 years in the USA, you will bloody well do the same here. Or get the hell out of my country. हम साला छोटे नवाब के बेटे हैं जो sub standard service लें। ये हमें मुफ़्त में ride दे रहे हो? And this isn't some product or service that I'll have to discard for poor quality or support and suffer monetary loss. Your shortcuts have caused grievous harm to a person. YOU are guilty of this rape, guilty by omission. How would you guys feel if your kid's day care centre hired a paedophile, just because they didn't bother to check his references?

But is it just Uber that we should be blaming? All they did was get caught doing what every business is trying to do - cut costs, increase revenue. As shareholders we all want a business house to do exactly what we hate as customers, i.e. bleed us dry. The real fault lies with our administration, law makers and those executing them. It is because of poor administration that any body and everybody feels he is above the laws here. How come these Uber people have been accused of flouting so many norms after a person has..... suffered, to put it mildly. If these norms were not met, they shouldn't have been allowed to set up shop.

Or at least all Uber cabs should have been forced to carry a warning message, like cigarette packet, or a mutual fund document. 'Enter at your own risk. The Indian Govt, local authorities and Uber Cabs will not be held liable in case of fleecing, overcharging, robbery, rape or murder. All disputes will be subject to jurisdiction of the Hon'ble court of Cayman Islands. Passengers are advised to avoid napping and to carry mace or any suitable items for self defence'. If that is too much to paint on the car, the driver can play a recording, like the recorded messages played in Delhi markets by Delhi police to warn the public of explosive devices and such.

Wait, I am not done, not by just blaming Uber and the authorities. We too are responsible. We, the educated, enlightened, upper class citizens, those who can afford air travel and Uber cabs and scoff at bargaining and all things Indian. We don't bother to check anything before buying or hiring, not if it is 'imported'. The maid who has worked in your house for the last 10 years is surreptiously followed around the house as she performs her duties. Even a missing butter knife is proof of her 'aukaat'. But if the same person is sent by a 'Housekeeping Firm' with a fancy name, an upmarket office and an English speaking front office, we are thoroughly convinced about the moral fibre of the worker.

And then there is the question of indigenisation. We dont just need 'Made in India', we need everything in India. We get so many posts on FB about being Indian and buying Indian. These aren't totally without merit. Its not just about keeping our money within the country. Its also about self interest. I have already stated that then one aim of every business is to earn profits, so I am not going to say that Indian firms will look after your interests. Its just that a local firm is more susceptible to legal action in case of any misdemeanors. Think Satyam and Union Carbide. In case of customer uprisings, an international firm loses just one market, a local market risks losing its market. 

So, think Flipkart before Amazon, Meru before Uber, Bajaj before Suzuki, Tata before Honda. Definitely Tata!

Disclaimer. The author is not in receipt of any commissions from Flipkart, Meru, Bajaj or Tata of any kind, except a fierce sense of pride.